Chasing It Down
by dnaw12
Summary: Kelly felt ridiculous when they ended up on the swings, but it was so late out and he still felt somewhat buzzed, so he went along with it. Besides, a smile so wide on Gabby's face was something he hadn't seen since before Shay died.


**Miriam said that she would like to see Dawson and Severide as friends, and I have always wished that they'd make them closer friends on the show! They're also kind of my crack ship, and although I don't really feel like writing them dating I enjoy their friendship tons. I know it doesn't have Matt or Shay but hopefully Dawseride friendship is enough. This takes place after the season three finale, Matt has been missing for a bit, but Gabby is not pregnant. Hope you enjoy, and let me know what you think :)  
**

* * *

As distressed as everyone was about Matt missing, Gabby knew that the only one who had any idea of how she was feeling was Severide. The bags under his eyes were just as prominent as her, and the constant 'are you okays' and 'how are you feeling's weren't being directed to only her. Gabby felt like anytime she went anywhere, whether it was to Antonio's unit to see if any progress was being made, or home with Sylvie, or in the house, everyone had their eyes on her, waiting to see when she'd break down. Knowing Severide was likely getting the same, and was likely just as annoyed with it, was somewhat comforting. So on the 13th day Matt was missing, Gabby got sick of sitting around waiting for a call, and headed over to her old place.

It felt all too familiar being back there, but not in a good way. There was a pit in her stomach just imagining all the shit that had happened here. She remembered barely making it through the door before crumpling to the floor when they got home from the hospital after Shay was pronounced dead. She remembered walking out on Matt; damn did she regret that now more than ever. Remembered getting home from Molly's but heading straight here after because she needed to see him. She was nauseous about thinking of that day's events, not being able to get rid the feeling of Severides hand wrapped in hers, not being about to unsee the look on his face when they were both certain they were in their last moments. She clearly remembered walking in and seeing that girl on the ground, dead. Gabby wasn't sure what to think, and still wasn't.

As unsettling as the familiarity of standing at that doorway was, she knocked on the door loudly. It was only 8pm, and they didn't have shift tomorrow, so she knew he wasn't busy. It took a few more knocks, but eventually the door opened and a very tired looking Kelly was in front of her.

"What are you doing here Dawson?"

Gabby sighed and pushed her way in, heading into the living room and leaning against the couch. "I am bored out of my mind Severide. I'm sick of people being all cautious around me, and I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm getting sick of Criminal Minds." He gave her a look that translated into 'what do you want me to do about it', and she sighed. "Can you come out with me? Can we go get drinks or something? I don't feel like worrying myself sick tonight."

He looked like he wasn't sure about it, but after getting an exasperated look from Gabby he agreed, going to grab his wallet.

* * *

They ended up at some bar, and were two beers and one shot in when they both started to get comfortable. "Sorry about that bullshit with Otis."

"Hey it's fine."

"Yeah but I shouldn't have told you guys to get out at Molly's" Gabby ordered two more shots.

"Hey, we were all ruining Chili's thing."

"Yeah. Gosh what the hell kind of name is Chili?" Gabby giggled and Severide let out a loud laugh.

"No clue, but she seems nice enough. She's already Herrmanns new foster child." Gabby snorted before taking the shot that was in front of her, and pushing Severides towards him he downed it too before leaning back into his seat. "Damn."

"What?"

"Do you ever think about how much easier shit used to be?"

"Ugh, all the time." Gabby ordered them another two beers and more shots. "We've lost so many people."

"No, no no no. I'm not drunk enough to do that emotional shit right now Dawson."

She rolled her eyes. "Alright fine. I think we've lost basically everyone who made things around there seem less serious. God Darden and Shay used to pull all those pranks on Otis. You know, you probably need to loosen up and become the funny one."

"Are you kidding me? I've totally loosened up." She snorted and he looked somewhat offended. "Hey Dawson you're not allowed to give me attitude. I'm your superior."

"Uh-huh."

* * *

They'd just left the third bar they were at. They'd actually been kicked out, but both of them were far too drunk to think or care much about that. They walked down the street, arms locked in a way similar to what they both used to do with Shay.

"Have you ever done drugs? I mean, other than what I caught you on." She hiccuped and stumbled a little, but he caught her and kept her on track, continuing to walk.

"Why? You want to smoke or something right now?"

"Ooh, is that an offer Kelly Severide?" She grinned at him and he shook his head. They'd both come to sort of realize that he was the more rational drunk. Either that or Gabby had more to drink. Either way they were dependent on each other at the moment in a way they'd never been outside of work, where they were forced to put their lives on the line for each other.

"No, it's not an offer. It would definitely be our luck that we'd end up getting tested next shift."

"Damn. I forgot about work for a second. I'm sick of it there though." She stumbled again and he caught her. They settled down on a park bench that they somehow ended up at. "I hate everyone looking at me like I'm gonna snap."

"Yeah it's started to piss me off too."

Gabby turned slightly and grabbed Severides arm, shaking it slightly. "That's why I wanted to come out with you! God Kelly, you just get me, you know?"

"Hell yeah I do."

The grin left her face as quickly as it got there. "You know though, you do. The others guys, losing Shay, losing Matt, it's not the same for them."

"I know. Technically we haven't lost Matt yet, we just don't know where he is" he said quietly, feeling slightly more sober just from that statement. "I know they miss them, it's just not the same."

"Exactly." Severide looked over at her and she gave him a smile, halfhearted but big enough to make him feel a little better. She moved on quickly enough. He did remember Shay telling him one night that Gabby was a talkative drunk. "I'm surprised you didn't ditch me for some girl."

He snorted and shook his head. "Nah, I wouldn't do that. Want to know a secret though?"

"What?" She raised her eyebrows and got closer to him, still obviously somewhat giddy despite their somber moment just a minute ago.

"I really wanted to sleep with you when you first got to the house." Kelly winced, wishing he'd bit his tongue. To be fair though, despite being more rational than the giggling Gabby next to him, all the shots she'd forced him to take were probably clouding his judgement. He also knew nothing would happen. Both of their loyalty to Matt was strong, and the feelings weren't there.

She widened her eyes and scrunched up her nose, giving him a strange smile. "Wow. That's weird." They both burst out laughing. "You know, maybe back then I would've. Never now though."

"I know. I'm not even sure why I told you."

"Well, I'm glad you're being honest."

"Don't tell Matt when he gets home."

The smile faded from her face a little but she quickly regained it and shook her head. "I'm not even sure if I'll remember."

* * *

Kelly felt ridiculous when they ended up on the swings, but it was so late out and he still felt somewhat buzzed, so he went along with it. Besides, a smile so wide on Gabby's face wasn't something he'd seen since before Shay died.

She'd gone pretty quiet, eyes closed and leaning back slightly. She looked like a third grader imagining herself in some far off world. Somewhat glad for the silence, he started to think.

He wasn't exactly sure why she'd shown up at his door. They'd been good friends through Shay and Matt, but never as close with each other as they were through their mutual best friends. She had Sylvie, she had Antonio… he tried to think of more people, but couldn't. The longer he thought about that, he realized that he was the last connection to the people he felt closest to.

And she was his.

He hadn't noticed that her swing was creaking to a stop until she called up to him. "You having fun up there?"

He started slowing down, and gave her a smile, not wanting to change the fun they were having because of his realization. Not wanting to start being careful around her in the way everyone else was. "Yeah, I haven't really had this type of fun since 4th grade."

She rolled her eyes at him and looked around. She looked a bit more sober, and he figured she likely was due to the lack of chattiness. "It's nice out here at night. I like the quiet. It's like, a different kind from the one everywhere else."

Kelly nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it's a lot more peaceful."

They were quiet for a few minutes, swaying just barely in their swings. He was about to suggest they left when she spoke up. "It's my fault you know?"

Kelly shook his head, figuring she was upset about Matt and still just barely drunk. "Gabs, you have nothing to-"

"No, I know. I uh- I meant Shay. Shay being dead is my fault." Confused by what she was saying he looked over at her, only to find her staring at the ground and drawing patterns in the playground sand under them with her shoe. Figuring he should let her talk when he was ready he stayed quiet, but watched her to be ready to pay full attention when she spoke. His confusion and worry almost got the best of him, and he was about to ask how when she quietly continued. "We were in the room together. All I could think about was how she kept talking about how she couldn't do it without me and-" her voice broke and she looked up at Kelly, looking almost like she was pleading with him to believe her, "- I just didn't want her to think she wasn't good enough, I wanted her to be sure of herself. So I told her to switch places with me." By now tears were running down her cheeks and she had started to shake slightly. "I should've been where she was. I should've been dead."

"Gabs, you can't say that."

"No, I can! Because it's true!" Her eyes widened and she gasped for air slightly, as though she was just now making a horrible realization. But Kelly knew that there was no way this was out of nowhere. He didn't have long to wonder how no one had known before she went "God, it's my fault our best friend is dead, Kelly."

He shook his head but she was already crying, and he got up and walked over, pulling her up out of the swing and wrapping his arms around her tightly. He rocked her slightly, saying over and over again "It's not your fault Gabs. I could never blame you" while she continuously whispered about how sorry she was until her tears stopped.

* * *

They ended up back at Matt and Kelly's place, both curled up at opposite ends of the couch. By now Gabby was starting to become more aware of everything going on. After breaking down at the swing set, Kelly had propped her up against her and they'd made their way back to the street to get a cab. It reminded her of the first time she'd gotten drunk and Antonio had to pick her up. Of stumbling in late at night with Shay. Although her blood alcohol levels were likely high all those times, she hadn't felt nearly as sad previously as she did that night.

Just the thought of Shay was enough to make her dizzy and bring back waves of sadness.

"I can't believe we actually got on a swing set."

Gabby sighed and shook her head, wrapping her blanket tighter around her body to attempt to get rid of the chills. "I can't believe I let myself get that drunk."

"I can't believe you let me get that drunk." That made both of them grin, and she leaned her head back against the couch. "We should do it again though."

"What? Go swinging at 2 in the morning?"

"Nah, just hang out." She nodded. "I think we may be far more alike than we think. And you know… we're all each others got right now."

Gabby sighed. "Yeah." She closed her eyes. "I miss her so much Kelly. God it makes my heart hurt sometimes."

"I miss her too."

She hadn't wanted to cry again that night, but she could feel tears behind her eyelids. "All I could think of was her. When we were stuck in that building, after they shut the hose off. It made me feel better."

"I thought you weren't scared with me there," he said, only half serious.

She lifted her head up and gave him a smile, but kept eye contact after. "Seriously. All I could think of was that maybe I'd be close to her again. I didn't want to give up but…" she trailed off and look at him desperately, maybe for some sort of reassurance that she wasn't crazy for being okay with dying if it meant she got to see her best friend again.

She felt relieved when he nodded slowly. "I thought about that too. I was glad you were there."

They looked at each other for a minute, and Gabby knew she'd never felt this much closure about Shay's death until now. She was glad she had Kelly, who knew what she was going through.

"I have all these old videos from when she got that camera and wouldn't stop recording us."

Gabby chuckled, thinking about all those times she was cooking for her and had a camera shoved in her face. As annoyed as she'd acted it hadn't bothered her all that much, and knowing those had all been saved now she was grateful for that short period. "How could I forget. Do you have any?" She questioned, already knowing the answer.

He got up, heading for a box stored on the T.V. stand, and pulled out a DVD labeled in Shays handwriting 'Game Night'.

Already knowing what was coming Gabby groaned, preparing herself to watch a video of her and Kelly arguing about some old board game.

By the time Kelly was back on the opposite end of the couch, Shays voice had already filled the room, explaining the situation at hand. About the time that it got to Kelly talking, Gabby glanced over at him. They were far from close physically, keeping a comfortable distance, but she'd never felt closer to Kelly. She smiled slightly at the look of love and admiration on his face for their best friend, and settled back, letting herself be comforted by the sound of Shays voice, which she'd spent months being terrified she'd forget.

* * *

They'd fallen asleep around 4 in the morning and woke up around 11. Kelly complained about his back aching and went off to shower, while Gabby headed to Matts room. She'd been worried about invading his privacy, but had figured she might as well change when she remembered some clothes she'd forgotten. Heading to the kitchen she made coffee and breakfast. Kelly had come in soon after she did, and after a quiet thank you for the coffee sat down and started eating.

They'd made it halfway through breakfast before Kelly asked "Has Antonio said anything about Matt?"

"No, but I was thinking about heading down and seeing if they found anything new. You're welcome to join."

"I think I'll take you up on that offer. Maybe the two of us can figure something out. I just, there's no way he's dead. That Nesbitt guy got him involved in some risky shit but Matt's careful."

"I'm trying to stay hopeful Kelly. It's just... I don't know what to expect. Things haven't exactly been going our way lately."

Kelly looked at Gabby intently. "I know he's alive though Gabs."

"How do you know?" She asked, not sounding critical but more curious.

"I just have a feeling. Matt's a fighter."

"Yeah, he is." Gabby nodded. If Kelly still had hope in finding Matt, she knew she could too.

* * *

 **I'm sorry this ended so abruptly! It's almost one in the morning and I have to hit the road today. But I wanted to post something since it may be a bit before I update In The Wings. Good things to come for that story though that hopefully you'll enjoy!**


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